A colleague asked me: "What would you do if you didn't know how or where your child was right now." I don't know where my eldest girl is and haven't for fourteen years. It's heartbreaking and especially with the mass corruption I would be a whole range of things (feelings). I'd be sad, scared, frustrated, yearning, feeling helpless, wondering why this is happening, not really caring much about life or the things I used to enjoy, quite reclusive but putting on a good front so nobody knew what was really going on, pissed at the fact that numerous laws were broken whilst the kidnap and court cases were taking place, beyond belief at the lack of reality that surrounds child protection and the family courts, withdrawing from most people I used to know because they either didn't believe what happened (until it happened to someone else they knew) and how unlawful it was, or just not wanting to continuously deal with those questions, angry that it's happening to thousands of people and angrier that it's been virtually impossible to make any headway in the last decade and a half, and last of all .. exhausted.